Teaching movement is not new for me. In 1979 I was an aerobics instructor for Gloria Stevens, located in Northampton, Mass. There wasn’t a lot of training to go through, but since I had modern dance and jazz background and had wished that I could be a Broadway dancer (which I was not), this job was the closest to dance that I got.  After that job I pursued Dance Movement Therapy, which allowed me to also move with clients, but this time rather than teach it was a creative psychology process. So I guess now, 2013 I can claim to be a movement enthusiast.

My non-movement teaching or more correctly training, developed as I led groups at the American Management Association in communication training based on Neuro-Linguistic Programming, a communication model for inter and intra personal communication. During that time, about 1984 I had completed my NLP trainer’s training and was leading NLP practitioner and master practitioner groups.

So leading movement, leading people is something I have done for about 34 years.

Since 2006, I have been practicing Bikram Yoga, a hot yoga style.  I remember hearing of it first from a client who would come in to the office from her heated class exhausted and exuberant. Then another time a student claimed that the 103  degree NYC humidity didn’t bother him because he was practicing Bikram yoga.  A Bikram studio opened in my suburban town in Montclair, N.J. and my husband, Steven, took a few classes. He invited me to try it.

I never completely understood yoga. Since I had danced as a kid, the yoga postures looked like stretches. I never could do a headstand so I was somewhat intimidated. As it turned out there are no inversions with Bikram yoga, so that was a relief. I had so many friends, students and clients who spoke about yoga and now my husband was encouraging me so I decided to go with the flow. Since Steven and I never had a chance to take waltz or swing lessons together, taking Bikram was the closest thing to dancing together that we could get. We became morning regulars.

During the early days I used to practice at least 5x’s a week. Wow, I was becoming a yogi, or at least a Bikram yogi, which to some means boot camp yogi. There is no chanting in this hatha style yoga that Bikram Choudry developed. Basically he took 26 hatha yoga postures and put them in a particular order with a specific script. The 90-minute class is done in a hot room, usually above 100 degrees. The teachers are always adjusting the heat. I still don’t understand the method to their madness. In our first three years of training in Montclair we were never allowed to enter a class once it had begun. Lateness was not tolerated. If you came late to class that was your loss and no class for you. I often wondered how we could implement that in our NLP classes, but it just didn’t seem to work. The yoga student may miss that one class, but there would soon be another. In our NLP classes there aren’t multiple classes during the day, so unfortunately latecomers do come in. Of course those people often work on timeliness as a personal issue to improve upon.

Sadly and happily we were moving back to New York City in 2009. I was sad to say goodbye to our yoga studio and happy to start a new urban adventure. We had learned a lot in our first yoga studio, our teacher often shared interesting yoga stories through the rigorous same 26 postures. We would have to find another yoga studio, so we could “dance together,” which we did. There is no shortage of Bikram yoga studios in New York City and we found one that worked for us. The same postures, the same rules, although latecomers squeaked in after a breathing exercise or before the first set of postures.

Throughout this time I had taught the 26 postures to my friends and family, while on vacation in Mexico or with out of town family visiting. I, the forever “movement therapist/aerobics teacher,” led members through the 26 postures. I thought I would learn the Sanskrit names, but even now I have only about three I can say easily and the rest are written down somewhere still waiting to be learned.

In our new studio, there was one teacher who would come late to class. On occasion he would have one of his office staff, also yogis, some becoming teachers, lead the opening series. I began to fantasize about how I would open a class. Each beginning substitute had their own style, one a modern dancer encouraged the class with wonderful metaphors, another a professional athlete was more technical, and then of course the beginning student who would soon become teacher, was sweet and nervous. I wondered what I would be like. I was supposed to be concentrating and meditating, but I found my mind wandering to the possibility of me being the teacher.

My issue about the class starting on time was mostly about getting back to work on time for my clients. Over the years Steven and I still liked to “dance together,” but there were many times that I had to schedule my yoga class time at a different time than his. I was now averaging 2-3x’s taking class. I didn’t really want to start the class (it was just a fantasy), but when the class wasn’t starting on time, I felt myself becoming annoyed because I had timed my schedule and wanted to have enough time to get back to the office. Since other people were starting the class I thought well maybe I could too. This is when the phrase, “Be careful for what you wish for,” begins to echo.

One day I noticed that the teacher who was now typically late was scheduled to teach, and the office staff person was not at all experienced in leading. I decided and thought, “this is my turn,  today is the day that I would lead the class.” I went outside to tell the office staff person my decision and was surprised to discover that he wasn’t there. No one was in the office and the outside doors were locked, which bothered me because what if we wanted to leave. Only later did I learn that the lock is on the bottom of the door would have been easily unlocked.  At that point I made an executive decision and went into the yoga studio.

“Hello everyone, my name is Rachel, and our teacher is running late. So let’s get started.” I had heard the same Bikram dialogue for six years, I had practiced the postures on my own, I had taught it to friends and family, so there was something familiar in the beginning. What was not familiar was speaking in a hot room and having 10 or more students following my instructions. I got through about 8 minutes when the teacher arrived and he thanked me and took over the class.

I was excited, charged, my adrenaline had kicked in. I actually hoped he would be late again. After class I spoke with the teacher and we discussed that if he’s late in the future that I would begin the class. This happened again. Now I was on a roll, my old dancer/aerobics/new yoga identity was beginning to blend. I found myself using imagery to inspire the postures. The teacher came in and I went to my spot. I did not mind him being late.

This happened several times. Quite honestly I have lost count, maybe five or six times have I now come to the front of the room, introduced myself, acknowledged everyone for being on time, encouraged them to breath, concentrate and meditate and begin. For my help, I have received free coconut water.

My criteria about time changed, when I had the chance to take leadership and have creativity in the moment of teaching.  One time after class the teacher thanked me for starting the postures, said, “ I would like to meet with you to discuss the dialogue, so you can do it the Bikram way.” He might as well have said, “Now I am going to muzzle you and chain you to the fence.” My criteria shifted again and I thought I don’t want to lose my freedom. So I went back to preferring to be a student because that is what my practice is about.

Until one day again when the teacher was late and I started the class, and I even went around to students and gave them “helpful,” corrections. Now I felt the power of being the teacher and it was exciting. Then the teacher came and exclaimed, “thank you Rachel, and you even had a teacher in the class!” I did not know that there was a visiting teacher in the class, and I had actually corrected him in the breathing section. Then my teacher asks the visiting teacher, “How did she do?” To which the visiting teacher replied, “Excellent, she takes leadership and knows her stuff.” Then my teacher says, “Do you think she is ready to go to training?” (Bikram teacher’s training is a three-month commitment). The visiting teacher says, “Yes.” And there was the making of me becoming a yoga teacher.

In the locker room, a student asks me if I am going to go to teacher’s training. The perception was crafted, I was now being seen as a yoga teacher in the making.

I told her I have a full time psychotherapy practice, plus what I didn’t tell her is that I lead NLP and Ericksonian hypnosis trainings and run a business with my husband and I am lucky enough to take 2-3 classes a week. I don’t have time or the real desire to become a yoga teacher. I can’t even remember the Sanskrit after 6 years, so really now, I am not becoming a yoga teacher.

Somewhere early in my first year of taking Bikram classes I fantasized about going to teacher’s training, maybe even my husband and I would go together. What would it be like to be one of the older students, would I be able to pass the rigorous anatomy and Sanskrit tests, and then of course I would remind myself of my already successful professional life. It was a fantasy. It took me out of concentrating and meditating. Yet now in some peculiar way I have been almost made into a yoga teacher.

Perhaps when Steven and I are in our 80’s done with The NLP Center of NY we will consider taking the teacher’s training. Until then I will probably be almost a yoga teacher for a long while.

Rachel Hott, PhD

co-director The NLP Center of NY

24 E. 12th Street, NY, NY 10003

rachelhott@nlptraining.com

The NLP Center of New York: Neuro-Linguistic Programming and Hypnosis

The NLP Center of New York: Neuro-Linguistic Programming and Hypnosis

The NLP Center of New York: Neuro-Linguistic Programming and Hypnosis

We do hypnosis with both the conscious mind and the unconscious mind. Our conscious mind, the executive center, the intellect is responsible for wanting to know, understand and rationalize everything. When we begin to make a connection with our unconscious, we let go of the spoken word and discover the symbolic world of the aesthetic, and the rhythmic flow of an expansive awareness. It is actually our goal as hypnotherapists to find the balance between the two, the conscious and the unconscious.

Perhaps the biggest concern from students and clients is that we will do something to them. We do not do hypnosis to people; we do it with them. It is important to understand that all hypnosis is self-hypnosis and any suggestions we give to our students and clients are designed to activate an inner connection to their own unconscious mind.

The form of hypnosis we practice is Ericksonian Hypnosis. This is based on Dr. Milton Erickson’s work. This style of hypnosis is considered cooperative, not authoritative. Therefore, whatever we offer during the session becomes an interactive participatory process. Sometimes this means having a conversation during the formal trance. We hope that you will attend one of our Introduction classes to Hypnosis or come in for a session to experience it for yourself.

In the meantime several students and clients have asked about practicing self-hypnosis, when they are not in session. Here is an example of one way to do self-hypnosis. Please let us know if you have any questions.

SELF-HYPNOSIS Practice daily
It is best to be sitting upright. You may use a chair or couch that supports your back.
1. Sit with your feet on the floor, hands on your thighs. Relax your eyes; keep a soft gaze. You may even close them if you wish.
2. Locate your breathing. Widen your breath into your diaphragm, ribs, back etc. Remind yourself that you have always been breathing and that you are now both conscious of things and unconscious of other things at the same time.
3. Feel your body connected, your feet on the floor, hands on your lap, your body supported by the furniture. Take a moment to let go.
4. Use an image of a light or color traveling from the top of your head down to your feet. Sense any areas of your body that needs attention, and if you locate a place, breathe into that area.
5. When you are finished with the body scanning all the way to your feet, once again feel your connection to the floor (the earth).
6. Pick a number between 10 and 20 and count down from that number, slowly or quickly.
7. When you get to one, go below one, and discover a safe peaceful environment. It may be an place you know or one with which you are not yet familiar.
8. Let yourself rest in this environment.
9. Your self-hypnosis can end at this point, and then count up. Feeling refreshed and ready for the day or end of the day.
10. If you want to work on an issue you may stay in this peaceful environment and ask the unconscious or any part of you if there is something that needs attention or that you want to heal. It is at this point that you stay supportive and caring to whatever issues you are working on. When you feel complete, you count up, back to an alert and relaxed state.

The NLP Center of New York: Neuro-Linguistic Programming and Hypnosis

Written by Rachel Hott, PhD

Edited by Steven Leeds

A client, highly educated and successful, comes to an individual coaching session to deal with issues at work. The finger is pointed to one specific person, his boss. As I listen, I find myself agreeing, that yes this is the worst person to work for and I understand why his boss makes him angry. To empower my clients, I need to get them to understand and accept that they and only they have any control in changing their experience. Communicating that message is important, yet delicate. Firstly, it is important to have the client know that I am on his side. We discuss the evidence, the boss is rude, he interrupts, he asks personal questions, he takes credit for other’s work, he gives incorrect information to clients and then the staff has to make up for his mistakes. I continue to think, that this boss does sound difficult, and I also think this type of  boss is familiar.  The description is a classic one, almost universal, and I bet that you, the reader, have also met him or her at work in your family or in a social context. Or maybe you are this person. If you are, please give us your own insights into how to effectively deal with you.

It is easy and quite common to fall into the “blame frame,” especially in an office or in a family system where there are other people who will confirm that the other person is indeed a “ f%#@g a%*$#e,” and that you have every right to feel upset. While this may be validating and vindicating, it does not actually give you the tools and skills to be more effective and resourceful the next time you find yourself interacting with the “button pusher.”

“Okay, point your finger,” I coach my client, “and see the fingers that are curled and pointing towards yourself?” Discovering that the fingers are pointing to yourself means that the only one you can control, the only one you can change is yourself. Hopefully, when you change yourself, the other person will also change. This is what we worked on in your sessions, how he could become more aware of his own thoughts, feelings and behavior when in the presence of his boss.

In the NLP system, we have many techniques to help clients/trainees (we teach these techniques in our NLP Practitioner and Master Practitioner courses) find ways to manage the thoughts, feelings and behaviors that are triggered by someone else.  In our conversation about “someone makes me angry,” I also point out that this is a pattern called, Cause-Effect. In this case, the boss  is X and my client’s anger is Y. Therefore, “My _______, makes me angry. When I hear the cause-effect pattern, I ask my client/trainee, “How does X cause Y?” I know that I am personally triggered by many things, however when I ask myself this question, I find that it helps me rediscover that I have more control to change my response. My husband, Steven Leeds had introduced this pattern to me when we were dating way back in 1982. We were on the phone when I said, “My mother makes me angry.” He said, with a very curious tone, “How does your mother make you angry?” Since I was studying NLP at the time I understood right away that I was letting her effect me. It was a powerful moment, a memorable realization and I was able to change my state effectively.

My self-esteem trainer, Jack Canfield, taught me this simple formula that I also share with my clients and trainees. E+R=O. E stands for event, R stands for response and O stands for Outcome. We cannot change the Event (the X), but we can change our Response (the Y), which will impact the Outcome.

Here are some of the NLP techniques that I use in my private sessions and teach in our NLP Practitioner and Master Practitioner training workshops. I taught these to my client over several sessions.

Using your brain to change how you think-

The R in Canfield’s model is not just what we do and say, but how we think. And recognizing and changing how we think is one of the primary concerns of NLP.

While our emotional and verbal reactions can be lightning fast our brain thinks even faster. So fast that we are not even aware of what it is doing. So our emotional reaction is as much a result of what we are thinking as it is a result of what the other person is doing.  And while we cannot always directly control other people, we can control our thoughts. And changing our thoughts will change our behavior, which in turn will change the outcome.

In the NLP training we teach about our sensory system that includes, the visual, auditory, olfactory (smell), gustatory (taste) and kinesthetic (which includes, emotion, physical sensation and action). Each of these senses has subsets that we call submodalities. For example, some visual submodalities are size, distance, framed or panorama, perspective, location, etc. When you identify someone who annoys you, ask yourself what can you do differently when you think about him including how you think about him when you are in his presence. Here are some submodality examples that I suggested to my client:

1. Rather than having your boss appear looming “high above you” (looking down at you), bring him (or her) “down” to your eye level and look him in the eye. Or “raise” yourself up to his eye level. (This can be extremely useful for people who habitually make other people more important and more significant and who allow other people to dominate. Notice that you are being asked to reverse the positions by bringing your boss down below you or raising yourself up above him.  While this may be a relief and feel better, it is perpetuating a one up one down relationship. And seeing yourself or your boss or a significant other in an inferior position can have unwanted negative consequences. Unfortunately for some of us, these are the only two positions we know.)
2. Instead of seeing the person as being a “big” mature man or woman, see them as a “small” child having a temper tantrum.  (This can be useful when the other person is reverting to the behavior of a child or adolescent. See them as their emotional age.  Don’t be fooled by their chronological age.) And if we find ourselves feeling like a child, it is just as important to “enlarge” ourselves (transform ourselves back to our mature adult size.
3. Imagine your boss as a cartoon with a cartoon voice or imagine it as taking place in a graphic novel. (This can be done when you find yourself taking things too seriously.)
4. Add a soundtrack. They do it in the movies to change the mood of a scene. You can play with different music until you settle on a score that works for you. (Yes, this is one way of settling the score.)
5. Add a bulletproof shield so any of the boss’s rants pinged off of you. Sound effects can be included.

All of these suggestions are within your control. They are imaginary (yes you knew that right), but creative and helpful in finding a way to cope with the situation.  Anticipating your next encounter with the cartoon boss child, at eye level with a personalized theme song, will be quite different from expecting a larger than life, ferocious adult animal hovering over you silently ready to pounce.

Changing your Internal State

When I asked my client how he was feeling he said he felt annoyed, aggravated and frustrated. I asked him how would he prefer to feel when he is around his boss. When asking this question, we are identifying how we want to be in the face this challenge and how to program ourselves to access and maintain a strong internal state, no matter what is going on outside. I shared the E +R=O formula with him and asked him what response he would prefer to create. He said he would like to feel confident. The next technique I taught him is called anchoring. To practice this technique, identify a time in your past when you experienced the resource you need.

In my client’s case he wanted confidence.

Next, pick the “anchor” that you will be using to activate the resource. It may a visual symbol, a small movement like placing two fingers together or simply the spoken word “confidence” itself.

Once you have planned your anchor, recall the memory and immerse yourself in the experience. As you enjoy the feeling of confidence, initiate the anchor.  Test your anchor by coming back to your neutral state and then retrigger your anchor. You have successfully anchored the experience only when the anchor consistently engages the resource state. In this technique you are training your mind and body to access the desired internal state. I suggested to my client to use his anchor anytime he is in the office speaking with his boss. At a follow up session he reported that the anchor gave him confidence. Eventually he no longer needed the anchor because the situation itself activated the resource, He was pleased with the tools he was learning. So we continued to build his toolbox. Here is another technique we practiced.

Defining Your Boundaries

When you find yourself using the cause-effect pattern, He (She) makes me feel_______, another helpful technique is learning to make clear boundaries. The NLP technique that I teach is called Perceptual Positions. In this technique I led my client to step into the observer position and watch himself and his boss from the outside.

There are many specific details about this position (observer is also known as the 3^rd position), suffice it to say, “step out of the experience and observe yourself and the other person, from the same eye level, equidistant.” Ultimately the goal is for the observer position to teach you to become disassociated from the interaction, and non judgmental. Once my client did this I led him to the Self position (also known as 1^st position) and set up for clear distinct boundaries so he could feel himself and his separateness. In the full training of Aligning Perceptual Positions we also teach going to the Other’s position (also known as 2^nd position). In this coaching session we stayed with the Observer and Self, for simplicity purposes.

The client reported that this technique gave him a better feeling for sense of boundaries as well as a tool to distant himself.

How to change your thinking with Reframing

Throughout an NLP session we talk about perspectives and framing the meaning of an interpersonal communication. When this client talked complained about his boss, we talked about being bullied. I asked, “ What do you believe is the positive intention of a bully?” In the NLP system, there is a presupposition that every behavior, symptom or problem has or has had a positive purpose. This can be true for yourself or when you are talking about another person. In this case, I asked what was the positive intention for the other person to bully. My client said, “My boss is very insecure, and when he acts that way, it makes him feel more secure.” Although the boss’s attempt to feel secure is not positive for my client, it is another way for my client to understand his boss’s behavior. If you get caught in cause-effect thinking, ask yourself what is the positive intention for getting caught, as well as asking yourself what is the positive intention of the other person. When I asked my client, “What does it do for you to get angry?” My client replied, “My anger reminds me that I am important.” Now we can explore what other ways he can continue to feel important without becoming angry. Becoming angry in itself can be useful, however in this case the anger was making him tense and fueling a sense of hopelessness, and that was why he wanted to find techniques to help him cope.

Whether you reframe the other person or yourself, the experience of changing the meaning, will then alter your state. Once again we discover there is an X that causes Y.  We suggest that our clients/trainees learn how to be in control of their responses (the Y) , knowing just that, will empower their communication experience. We also remember that for someone else, we may be the trigger, the X.  I asked my client to explore what may be the trigger that he created for his boss.  He realized that he may be communicating a message of resistance which then causes his boss to become more irritable. Now my client has an awareness of what he can do differently in their interactions.  Practicing flexibility in one’s thoughts, feelings and behaviors is an important skill that we teach in our sessions and training. Remember that this is not about “blaming”. It is about “taking responsibility.”

What both Steven Leeds (my husband and business partner) have found over our 30 year career as an NLP trainers/coaches is that clients/trainees want efficient tools to use throughout their interpersonal communication, yet what they also want is magic. We suggest that these techniques will become automatic, like magic, however to make that happen it is essential to practice. My client has many techniques in his tool box. His irate boss gives him the opportunity to practice daily. That may be yet another reframe.

I hope you will take the opportunity to practice one of these techniques and let me know what works for you. Please contact me at rachelhott@nlptraining.com when you do.

Please note that the skills and techniques described in this article are abbreviated versions of techniques that I use with clients. Only in our NLP Practitioner and Master Practitioner training do we teach these techniques in depth. Our upcoming e-book, NLP Companion; Effective Techniques for Interpersonal and Intrapersonal Communication will include more in-depth discussions.

The NLP Center of New York: Neuro-Linguistic Programming and Hypnosis

Interestingly, I received an e-mail from Ms. Poppink, complimenting me on blog post that I had written about Daniel Siegle’s book, Mindsight. She then asked if I would be willing to review her book. When she told me the title, I immediately said, “yes.” This is not the first time I was influenced by a book’s title or cover. In 1980 when I was working for Dr. Martha Davis, a non verbal communication researcher, I organized her bookshelf and the cover of Frogs Into Princes, the first NLP book, grabbed my attention.

So I am familiar with being influenced by titles and covers, and when it comes to dealing with hunger, eating and weight, my antennae go up. I have been working with eating issues since I was a teenager. Fortunately nothing ever became severe, but the extra portions, the extra pounds were ongoing issues. I remember reading that body image and eating issues were a pandemic for women. More recently, men are also dealing with overeating, body image and weight control. A majority of my private practice consists of clients wanting to lose weight and changing their eating behavior.  This topic never goes away, but fortunately there are clinicians out there making a difference to help clients heal.

Ms. Poppink, a well established therapist in Los Angeles, California,  is one of those clinicians. In this book she is very honest about her bulimic history and based on her recovery she has developed many excellent suggestions for healing.  Her book is a practical guide for men and women to begin a cognitive and behavioral process to change eating behaviors. At the end of each chapter, Ms. Poppink, offers practical tasks to practice. Throughout the book she includes her own stories and examples of her clients to help the reader identify and discover ways to overcome their eating issues.

There was a time that I ‘devoured’ any book about food and eating. I thought I had read all there was to read, but Ms. Poppink has added some original ideas that I believe are helpful to anyone who is self aware about their eating issues.  The new ideas that have stayed with me are these: When you are dealing with emotional eating ask yourself what feeling are you dealing with and go search for a poem, (use the internet of course), that will best help you express yourself. I liked this suggestion as I believe that poetry touches both the conscious and unconscious mind and will help myself and clients get to a greater connection and resolve. Another suggestion is whenever you are eating to backtrack where the food came from. This means to think about the process of growth, the animal, the farm, the truck, the seed, however far you can follow the chain. This exercise is useful as a way to also backtrack moments when something triggers you and retracing the steps can help you figure out what set up the pattern.  Another suggestion that may not be original, but I found it useful, was Ms. Poppink, talking about saying, “No.” She asks the reader, whether the reader has difficulty saying no, maintaining boundaries. She suggested practicing saying no and being okay with that. I think this is very useful to help someone create boundaries about what they place in their body, and to be reminded of their own power.

Ms. Poppink has many other suggestions including breathing, (always a good idea), remaining mindful, creating a spiritual ritual before eating, journaling, joining support groups and discovering other pleasures besides food. Another suggestion is to go into the future with your achieved weight loss or healing goal, and from that point of view, look back and see what action steps you took to accomplish that. In our NLP training we call this technique, Act As If. It is very useful for identifying steps towards your goals.

I am glad that this book and Ms. Poppink found me. I recommend you now find it for yourself. And when you do, let me know what suggestions worked for you.

The NLP Center of New York: Neuro-Linguistic Programming and Hypnosis

Information exchange via books, internet and conversation are very important to me. I am always looking for ways to learn and grow. Recently I read, all on my kindle app on my iPhone, Thinking Fast and Slow by David Kahneman, The Tools by Barry Michels and Phil Stutz, and The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg. As I read I took notes via the electronic reader way, and attempted to work through my missing of underlining and writing notes in the margins of a “real book.”

All three books were very relevant to the work we do at The NLP Center of NY. One commonality was the emphasis on paying attention to the crisis at hand. In the Kahneman book he uses research to show that our minds will find what is wrong more often than what is right, in the Michels and Stutz book they discuss the importance of jeopardy and taking action because death is around the corner, and in Duhigg’s book he talks about the necessity of willpower and taking action as an important element of change. In our NLP/Ericksonian Hypnosis work we emphasize both the crisis, which can be called a moving away from strategy, as well as the solution, which is the moving towards strategy. When you think of what you want to do and are not doing, which will get you to take action, moving away or towards? This motivational concept is something we utilize and practice in our Master Practitioner Coach training.  We suggest that you use both patterns, avoiding the fear and approaching the reward to get you moving.

Here is a quick tip from The Power of Habit. When identifying your triggers, Duhigg calls them cues, keep a journal and note these five categories; The location, time, your emotion, other people and what was happening immediately before you did this habit. When you track your behavior you will be able to more easily change.

More about Thinking Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman.

I learned a lot from Kahneman. His overall premise is that as humans we can’t help but respond too quickly to what we see and hear. Although he admits that even with everything he knows he still has a difficult time not falling into the quick thinking trap, I would say, it has helped me take a minute to respond before immediately saying, “yes,” or “no.” There are lots of interesting ideas in the book, about our biases and assumptions. I just heard of a new book titled, Wait: The Art and Science of Delay, by Frank Partnoy, that uses a similar premise, which is that it is best to think things through in the decision making process. This may be the new reframe for procrastination. I can “wait,’ to read it.

I particularly enjoyed the Kahneman’s discussion about how we use memory. He described two selves, the experiencing and the remembering self. (There is an excellent Ted.com video of Kahneman discussing his views of Happiness, where he explores these two selves). He encouraged the reader to reconnect with the experiencing self, rather than the remembering self, and to find the peak experience to relive. If you only utilize the remembering self, you will add in all of the situations that may have been difficult. The experiencing self reminded me about the NLP anchoring technique. In our NLP sessions and training when we want to recreate resourceful states we ask our clients to go back to a time and experience the peak moment. Many times students or clients will object because they will recall a time when they were confident but the memories included a difficult boss, relationship, etc. We remind them that the experience they had was theirs to have and they deserve to re-experience what was positive and useful at that time.  This is what Kahneman means by the experiencing self rather than the remembering self, and he encourages the reader to find the peak moment, which is what we do in NLP when helping a student or client anchor their resourceful state.

The Tools, by Barry Michels and Phil Stutz, does have helpful “tools,” that I have shared with my clients and students. In comparison to Thinking Fast and Slow, The Tools, is a simple read. I had not heard about this book or the authors, and truly read it because of its advertising. I was influenced by a two page full spread advertisement in The New Yorker magazine. The advertisement used words, like, writer’s block, anger, stage fright, lack of confidence, procrastination, etc. I couldn’t resist seeing what this book would promise. When I am reading I often look for similarities to hypnosis and NLP, to compare and contrast the work we do at the NLP Center. I found the “tools” related to the NLP submodality distinctions and positive hallucination in hypnosis. Some things were different as they discussed a “force,” that goes along with every tool. The force is something mysterious, similar to a spiritual belief of something to support the individual, but not tangible. It is not necessary to use each tool, because you use whatever tool is useful, however tool #5 is mandatory.

Here are the tools; This first one uses submodalities of internal dialogue and visualization. (The visualization is also positive hallucination).  I suggest you buy the book to get the authors’ passion for each tool and force.

Tool #1 Reversal of Desire (learning to go towards fear or pain). The force that is evoked is forward motion.  When you do this tool you will be using a strong internal dialogue and visual imagery. Basically you think of a situation that you are fearing, think of the worst thing that can happen, now say to yourself, “Bring it on.” Next imagine that you see a cloud and step into the cloud, again internally say, “I love fear.” Then let yourself feel spit out by the cloud and you are embraced by a healing light. You then say internally, “Fear sets me free.”  I have given this exercise to several clients and they have liked it a lot. The force that is evoked is about forward motion. In NLP and hypnosis we speak about going from stuck to unstuck, from cataleptic to movement. Forward motion is always an important step.  The authors suggest practicing Tool #1 repeatedly.

Tool #2 Active love (which helps with anger). The force that is created is Outflow

This tool reminded me of the Buddhist practice that Dr. Stephen Gilligan taught Steven and me in our hypnosis training. The Buddhist practice is called Tonglen. The authors, Michels and Stutz, suggest practicing filling yourself with love. In NLP, we refer to this as anchoring a resourceful state, a time when you felt love. Going back to the Kahneman book, it is identifying an experienced self memory. Once you have the love internally, then think about the person you feel anger towards. This person can be in front of you or somewhere far away. Imagine transmitting the love and then having the love go inside of them. Again do this tool repeatedly. This tool reminds me of the practice we do with the Core Transformation technique. When we create the core state of Love, the anger dissipates.  For many people there is a need and appropriateness to expressing one’s self and this may include anger. The authors deal with this with Tool #3.

Tool #3: Self Expression. The force that is created is Inner Authority.

I have worked with many clients who have spoken about public anxiety and/or fear of public speaking. This tool addresses the idea of speaking to an audience, which can one or more people. In this section the authors discuss Carl Jung and his concept of the shadow side. Similarly in NLP where we speak about parts, with this tool the reader is told to see the shadow self, the one who is embarrassed or shamed. When speaking to the individual or group, first make contact with your shadow self, bond with this self, and from that contact, speak with full expression.

Tool #4: Grateful Flow. The force is the Source.

This tool is useful for worry and negative thinking, but could also be used for distracted thinking. Basically think about catching yourself when those thoughts come up and find something to be grateful for. I have read a lot about gratitude and our students are familiar with this concept. However, a new twist to being grateful is to think about new things to be grateful about each time you catch yourself in that worry or negativity.

Tool #5: Jeopardy. The force is Willpower.

All of the tools can be practiced, but they may not be relevant. However, this tool is considered mandatory. The authors discuss what happens when people achieve a goal, stop and get into their comfort zone. Just like most behavior changes there needs to be a way to make it happen as well as maintaining the change. This is where we find the crisis, the jeopardy being utilized. The authors create the most feared experience, death. I have heard that Tony Robbins, motivational speaker with an NLP background, does a similar exercise where he uses your end of life to push you to take action. Carlos Castaneda’s Don Juan instructs him in a similar way. In this book the authors create your “death bed” where you fiercely tell your self  to not waste the present moment. The force that gets utilized is willpower, which is something that comes from within. This is a strategy I have used in the past, reminding myself that time is of the essence. I remember when I committed to obtain my PhD in clinical psychology in 1997, I told myself that I would get older no matter what and if I wanted to have a PhD I had to make it happen. Now looking back 15 years ago, I am so glad I did.

The last book I mentioned is The Power of Habit, by Charles Duhigg.  I have enjoyed it immensely.  In this book Duhigg explains the format for habits, looking at the cue (in NLP we say trigger), the routine (we say strategy, whether successful or not) and reward (we say positive intention). His recommendation is that when changing habits to experiment with looking at what reward would be more motivating so that you can change your routine. This is very useful for readers who want to stop smoking, eat healthy and exercise more regularly. Dughigg describes not only individual’s habits, but companies and cultures. This would be useful for a change management consultant. I found this book very reinforcing for myself as well as for my clients.

I have told many of my clients about these books. One client asked me, “What do you do for fun?” I laughed and said, “ I find learning to be fun. And the next book will be fiction.”

Let me know if you read any of these books and what you learn.

The NLP Center of New York: Neuro-Linguistic Programming and Hypnosis

Last week we received three emails from former students containing unique, unsolicited testimonials describing the results they experienced after taking our training programs.
Please let us know the results you desire.

1. This testimonial is from a professional woman who graduated from our NLP Practitioner Coach Certification training.

Hi Rachel and Steve -
I thought I would share an NLP moment. Yesterday I had a meeting with my boss, which I knew would be contentious. He was angry about something and tends to overreact, be very verbally nasty and all around unpleasant. On Wednesday night, I sat quietly and decided to come up with a visual that I could use when I needed to feel protected. I decided to visually wrap myself in a bubble when I felt overwhelmed. The visual was a swirling air-like thing that would start over my head and wash over me and around me. As I expected, he was nasty, angry etc., but I kept incredibly cool and when I was feeling anxious or upset, I set my bubble thing in motion and it truly worked to keep me protected and grounded. When I didn’t respond to his anger, he became quieter and by the end he apologized twice for being so difficult and ended up saying I should come by more often because I’m good company. I never took anything he said personally and kept detached from the drama. My outcome was to come out calm and whole and that’s what happened. I decided not to be attached to anything except that and it worked.
My husband was shocked at how calm I was afterwards because these situations used to ruin my night or several days. I love the idea of being able to protect myself and it’s definitely something I can pass along to others.
NLP is awesome! Thanks for a wonderful training. I love that I am growing every day

2. This testimonial is from a professional woman who had attended our Hypnosis Level I and II training courses.

Just wanted to send a note and thank you for the work you did with me, in regards to “not feeling good enough”. Life changing! First on how I feel, think and act and then on peoples’ reaction to me. Some of those old (now retired) emotional reactions are gone, as if surgically removed or something. In its place is a happier, more joyful, excited me, who has more attention on the person in front of me, who hears and sees more/”better” and who enjoys interactions with others, with more honesty and openness. Not being concerned what the outcome, reactions will be, just being curious. Having people wanting me to help (coach/hypnotize) them, just by talking to them. It’s as if they take the initiative, not me “selling”. And without a twinge of doubt, that used to pop up, that I might not be able to do what they want. I suppose, feeling good enough, I now believe that I am good enough. So thank you so much for your amazing work!

3. This is from a professional man who had attended our Level NLP Coach/Practitioner, NLP Master Practitioner Coach Training and Level I Hypnosis Training.

Just finished a 4 hour shoot. I’m finalizing my photo series. Remember in NLP training we projected goals. 6 months, 1 and 2 years ahead. I want to share with you that I am receiving the most prestigious cultural award for Art Photography, from the Academy de la Muse. And then a solo show In the Fall in Florence. Thanks NLP. This is way beyond the goal I set to have a photo show in the future. I guess it’s NLP plus. My immediate priority list has just been shaken. It’s funny how validation and a solid goal creates magic. Thank you so much for your help.

If you would like to read more about how NLP has made a difference in our students lives go to http://nlptraining.com/about/testimonials.

The NLP Center of New York: Neuro-Linguistic Programming and Hypnosis

One of our current NLP trainees asked me for assistance regarding a story about letting go. She was going to be running a group and part of her project was to inspire them to begin new ideas, to let go of the old rigid thoughts and behaviors.

In our NLP Practitioner and Master Practitioner training we use stories during the training as well as at the end of the training to communicate an idea to both the conscious and unconscious minds. Sometimes we use personal stories, classics and even made up stories.

When she asked me about stories about letting go I remembered a poem I had heard in 1994 when I had attended a Self Esteem training with Jack Canfield. This was before his Chicken Soup for The Soul, Success Principals and The Secret fame. I told her the gist of the poem and suggested that she research it on the web. Of course the expectation is that anything can be found when googling key words and concepts.

A week later I asked her if she found the poem and she had not. I wondered how could I find this poem. Jack and I use to be in touch, but it has been several years since we have exchanged communication. Since his celebrity status I also thought of him as unreachable. Yet I did decide that I could e-mail his organization and let them know what I was searching for.

I sent an e-mail to the contact address and explained that I had attended his Self Esteem training in 1994 and 1995. I explained that I was looking for a particular poem that he had shared. I took a risk to write an e-mail to the contact address hoping that my personal story may get past the guards and go directly to Jack.

Two days later his assistant, let me know that she forwarded my e-mail to him. I had gotten past the contact guard! Next was wondering if I would hear back from him and I am happy to say I did.

Come to the edge.
We can’t. We’re afraid.
Come to the edge.
We can’t. We will fall!
Come to the edge.
And they came.
And he pushed them.
And they flew.

Guillaume Apollinaire, 1880-1918
French Poet, Philosopher

Love to you both. Hope this helps! — Jack

Jack Canfield, CEO
Jack Canfield Companies
P.O. Box 30880
Santa Barbara, CA 93130

The NLP Center of New York: Neuro-Linguistic Programming and Hypnosis

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The NLP Center of New York: Neuro-Linguistic Programming and Hypnosis