One of our current NLP trainees asked me for assistance regarding a story about letting go. She was going to be running a group and part of her project was to inspire them to begin new ideas, to let go of the old rigid thoughts and behaviors.

In our NLP Practitioner and Master Practitioner training we use stories during the training as well as at the end of the training to communicate an idea to both the conscious and unconscious minds. Sometimes we use personal stories, classics and even made up stories.

When she asked me about stories about letting go I remembered a poem I had heard in 1994 when I had attended a Self Esteem training with Jack Canfield. This was before his Chicken Soup for The Soul, Success Principals and The Secret fame. I told her the gist of the poem and suggested that she research it on the web. Of course the expectation is that anything can be found when googling key words and concepts.

A week later I asked her if she found the poem and she had not. I wondered how could I find this poem. Jack and I use to be in touch, but it has been several years since we have exchanged communication. Since his celebrity status I also thought of him as unreachable. Yet I did decide that I could e-mail his organization and let them know what I was searching for.

I sent an e-mail to the contact address and explained that I had attended his Self Esteem training in 1994 and 1995. I explained that I was looking for a particular poem that he had shared. I took a risk to write an e-mail to the contact address hoping that my personal story may get past the guards and go directly to Jack.

Two days later his assistant, let me know that she forwarded my e-mail to him. I had gotten past the contact guard! Next was wondering if I would hear back from him and I am happy to say I did.

Come to the edge.
We can’t. We’re afraid.
Come to the edge.
We can’t. We will fall!
Come to the edge.
And they came.
And he pushed them.
And they flew.

Guillaume Apollinaire, 1880-1918
French Poet, Philosopher

Love to you both. Hope this helps! — Jack

Jack Canfield, CEO
Jack Canfield Companies
P.O. Box 30880
Santa Barbara, CA 93130

The NLP Center of New York: Neuro-Linguistic Programming and Hypnosis

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The NLP Center of New York: Neuro-Linguistic Programming and Hypnosis

I would like to highlight two processes that he discussed in his one day workshop in Arizona at the Ericksonian conference this past December 2011. Stephen emphasized becoming more in touch with one’s body, and he described this as the felt sense. He reminded the class that he does not ask his clients to do anything he wouldn’t do. The first step is to greet and chat with your client. He recommends to keep that brief. The second step is ask the client to take a moment to settle and become centered. When you help the client center, remind them of their resources including people and places where they feel safe. Stephen asked, “Who are the people who support you? Where do you go to feel safe? When it was really bad, where did you go? Who are the people who are holding you? Who are the people who allow the critic to be suspended?” The third step is to ask the client to briefly state what it is that they want. Stephen emphasized the importance of keeping the goal brief, if possible keep it close to five words, otherwise there will be a long story that in itself becomes another trance for the client and the hypnotherapist. Here is an example of a demonstration in the workshop when he asked the client what was it that they wanted as an outcome.

Stephen asks, “What are you hoping to accomplish?” “To be calm and confident when I give my presentation.” Stephen then suggests, “Relax and drop down, begin to shift more than anything else, to breathe. Now from this place, begin to connect to the place of wellbeing. Perhaps we could both recall a time of wellbeing, music, a walk, being with a loved one. So many experiences of wellbeing can begin to surface. As they surface where in your body do you feel the core, the center. Take a hand place it where you feel the center. Feel the quality of connection. That begins to open outwards, as you open outwards, take a second step. Take the positive resource people, places, experiences that really support, really can give you a nice sense of guidance. Be aware in the space around you. Where they can be?”

He then asks the client to reorient and asks what technique helped you? For example; the client said that friends are helpful resources.

After doing a brief process Stephen suggest using a scaling process. Scaling is a quantitative way to help a client label their experiences with numbers. You can ask any scale question, in this case Stephen asked, “From a 1-10 scale, how much do you believe in the goal? As you connect to the center, what number at this moment, what comes to you, just let it come, how much do you feel connected to that relaxed center.” If a person feels a “two”, utilize that as feedback. You utilize whatever they feel and help them learn to utilize it. In addition he said, “The scaling looks at your own self tracking. It is good subjective tool to teach the client. It helps them to identify the changes when you describe their “problem.” He says to the client, “What do you need to do to lift up your positive connection to center, 5, 6, 7, it doesn’t need to be a 10.”

A comment I have about scaling is that for some clients who are more cerebral, quantifying their experience is very comfortable for them and sometimes keeps them from feeling the experience. However, for the client who is immersed in his feelings, it can be helpful to ground them by developing their left hemisphere by identifying with numbers.

Another process that I found very intriguing was something Stephen referred to as the “Trance Dance of a Symptom/Goal.” Since my first graduate degree was in dance/movement therapy I was intrigued as to how he would put movement into his therapeutic explorations.

Stephen explained that the use of the trance dance of a symptom or goal was utilized when he hears the client say, “I want X, but Y interferes.” Basically he is describing when a client is in conflict with them self. The demonstration in the workshop was with a client who wanted to spend more time with his girlfriend but he was working all the time and didn’t have time for their relationship.

Stephen spoke about creating a communication, like music between the two parts. He suggested that a part may be seen as a problem rather than a resource because it is not being seen for its “music.” In this case, “music” is the positive intention. He explores with the demonstration client what could be the positive intention of each part. When he explores he is very respectful to the parts that show up. He speaks to each part and he literally welcomes each part. He asks the demonstration client, “How much do you want X?” Then he tells the group, “Whenever someone touches something interesting, say, I see that, that is interesting. Let’s stay with that for a few minutes. I would like to say to that part of you, “Welcome.” Then Stephen also welcomes the “workaholic” and says, “I am sure what you are doing has tremendous integrity.” Stephen again tells the group, “Whatever gets touched, you say welcome to it.”

Now he begins the movement experience by asking the demonstration client to
identify the somatic models for each side. Soma refers to the body. He speaks to the “workaholic” side first and asks him to step into a posture and movement that would represent the “workaholic.” Stephen sees the symptom as an attempt to create something meaningful and wants to create positive conditions, which begins with the centering, slow repetition of the movement of the “workaholic.” He then asks about representing the other somatic model, the positive connection with the demonstration client’s “romantic self,” the part of him that valued spending time with his girlfriend. Stephen encourages the demonstration client to not just do the posture, but also the movement. He explains that his goal is to strip away the verbal explanations and get down to the archetypal body movement.

He then asks the unconscious to teach the client what his body is teaching him. Here is a sampling of what he said to the client while the client was in trance. “Your unconscious is trying to teach you something meaningful. First practice and then we will do it again. Settle in, settle down, your unconscious is trying to teach you something, something creative, create a place of honor, learning, so you can receive and creatively live. When you are ready, very, very slowly do movement. Start with either part, almost like a hand levitation, you don’t have a to go into a traditional trance, just a learning space. Consciously moving, and then every other second unconsciously, back and forth, breathe through your spine. Find the other movement. There are so many experiences flowing into new ways of working. There are new understandings, allowing basic connection between the two sides, breathing. Every man and every woman can enjoy and establish a place of comfort. Life is calling you forward. Take a few moments to complete that. So what did you experience there?”

While Stephen was speaking the demonstration client was moving both of his arms in small graceful movements. The exercise is designed to go back and forth from each side. The exploration leads to a sense of wholeness. There is no discussion about what the demonstration client will do, but there is a feeling of integration from the process. Ultimately the goal, which Stephen said was critical to the Ericksonian tradition was to create acceptance and engagement with whatever shows up in the clients experience. This was apparent in the demonstration.

The NLP Center of New York: Neuro-Linguistic Programming and Hypnosis

Recently I came across an article in the Psychotherapy Networker magazine (www.psychotherapynetworker.org) by Terrence Real titled, A Matter of Choice. He highlighted a story about a married couple where they both thought they were right. That was a familiar scenario from my clients to my own personal life. Real asked the question, “What is more important to you, to be right or to be married?” I liked this because it forced the client to pay attention to criteria and puts their righteousness in perspective.

What was even more helpful was a simple formula to help when you begin to notice yourself becoming critical, argumentative, nagging or self-righteous. If you do start to get caught in any of these states first pause, then breath, then think and then choose. I find this a simple process that is easy to remember and practice. Also I like how it integrates both the mind and the body. When you pause you are becoming aware and are using your cerebral cortex, the executive center of your brain. Then when you breath you are engaging your body by stimulating the parasympathetic nervous system which will reduce your stress and make you more available to actually for the next step. The next step is to think, which again engages the cerebral cortex and now you have the peace of mind to think about what you are going to say in an appropriate way. Lastly you choose, which I believe is the linkage of the mind and body, in a harmonious way to be resourceful in your choice of managing whatever the situation entails.

Perhaps it takes two is not only about the people involved, but your relationship with your mind and body to enhance your communication with all people.

Suggestion: Practice; Pause-Breath-Think-Choose

The NLP Center of New York: Neuro-Linguistic Programming and Hypnosis

This is not the first NLP app, but it is the first NLP trainer we know who has created one. Shelle Rose Sharvet, www.weongozi.com, has created an app called, Husband Motivator. It is based on the meta programming patterns, specifically the motivation patterns. In this app you determine who it is you want to motivate. It can be for your partner, but it can also be for yourself. There are several categories to choose from, for example; doing chores, leisure activities, grocery shopping, etc. You then answer four questions and the app gives you suggestions on the best way to motivate. This is an excellent way to practice your meta program patterns as well as getting yourself to do something. Let us know what you think.

The NLP Center of New York: Neuro-Linguistic Programming and Hypnosis

Two NLP highlights from the conference were Steve Andreas’ presentation on “Regret; A Matter of Balance” and Robert and Deborah Dilts’ titled Working with Archetypal Solutions.

Steve Andreas offered several suggestions of how to work with your self when dealing with regret. He explained that there was a distinction between regret and guilt. In this situation, regret was an opportunity for a person to act upon and it has to do with the self. Guilt was more about something that occurred with another person. When you think of regret you can think of something you did or didn’t do. The exercise is not about getting you to no longer regret something but to find a way to take the sting out of the memory. That is why he named the presentation Regret: A Matter of Balance.

He called his first technique the Perspective Pattern. Basically think of something you regret. Notice if it is something you did or didn’t do. Once you have identified this category, place that regret memory to the side. Steve literally moved his hand to the side as if you were placing the regret memory off to your right or left. Now think of at least six examples of something you did or didn’t do that you are fine with. If you had selected a regret that is based on something you did do, then think of six examples of something that you did do that you feel fine with or vice versa.

In the demonstration some participants ask Steve if they should discuss the examples and he said that he prefers to have the structure of the experience rather than the content. So for this process see what it would be like to identify six examples of something you did do (didn’t do) that you are fine with. Find a visual symbol for each one and imagine placing them in a circle in front of you. Then bring the original memory, the one you had placed to the side into the center and notice what that original memory is like now.

The next pattern is called Corrective Action. Think about the thing you regret and ask yourself what corrective action could you take now? In this situation it is about taking action and making a commitment to your self about doing something different. If you cannot take corrective action for the past then be aware of what is happening in the present and future so that you will learn.

The next pattern follows corrective action and is called Learning. Ask your self what have you learned from the decision you did or did not do. As you discover what you learn from this experience you use the learning as a reminded of the NLP Presupposition that there is no failure only feedback.

If you want to read more about Steve Andreas’ discussion about regret you can go to his website. His book Transforming Yourself will also have a discussion about regret in the appendix. He also mentioned the book, How We Know What it Isn’t So by Tom Gilovitch as an excellent resource book.

The other NLP presentation was by Robert and Deborah Dilts. It was titled; Working with Archetypal Solutions. They did a demonstration, but then led the large group through the process as well. If you are guiding someone they say to make sure you get into a coach state which, which includes being centered, open, aware and connected. They encouraged standing up for this process because they believe that it is essential for the body to be involved in the integration of the experience.The exercise was basically to set up three steps. This is based on a Virginia Satir exercise. The first step-How do you feel? Anger, Fear, Sadness (The exercise is designed for a non resourceful state, but if you want you can try it with a resourceful feeling as well). The second step-How do you feel about feeling that way? (Welcome that feeling)The third step-What resource do you need to hold the feelings (welcome, state of centered, openness)? Just let it come to you.

Basically you begin in step one and then walk backwards to step two and then backwards to step three. Once you are in step three, really let the resource come to you. Rather than consciously deciding on what resource you want, trust the unconscious and just let a resource emerge. Once a resource has come to you, walk forward into step two and feel what it is like when you bring that resource into that state, now move into step one also bringing that resource. Let your self find a physical movement, some way to bring that it into step two and then take that into step one. The physical movement is like an anchor and a way to incorporate the resource more deeply. Notice how you feel differently than when you began the process.

In our Level I practitioner training we do something similar to this technique called Stuck-Meta-Resource. We have found this technique to be quite helpful for our clients and students.

The NLP Center of New York: Neuro-Linguistic Programming and Hypnosis